This is the Year of Letting Go of Resentments

Resentments are defined as the “bitter indignation at being mistreated.” It is a hard feeling that creates discontent, hostility, bitterness, and an inability to trust others.

It is destructive to relationships because it is a hook to the traumatic events of the past. When we are tied to our histories, we cannot fully enjoy the present, and the future feels like a painful rerun. We make vows that we will never let anyone hurt us like we were hurt before. Unfortunately, these vows isolate and insulate us from loving relationships.

Resentment is connected to our ego. Our ego needs to be correct, and it needs to be good. When we experience trauma, it can strip away our dignity, causing us to get needs met in unhealthy ways or won’t allow anyone else to help meet those needs. We believe that “I can do it all by myself” but it feels safer when we are alone. Unfortunately, cutting others out of our lives is a very lonely life.

Resentment can also keep us stuck in a victim role. Victims need abusers to maintain this position. Therefore, our ego will fault others, reinforce the belief that people “can’t be trusted”, and only see the negative in the circumstances. We will gravitate to rescuers to make us feel good and validate our victim-mindedness.


Write about ways resentment keeps you stuck in the past. What are the struggles you have experienced that make trusting others difficult? Have you chosen to be right over having a relationship? Journal about ways to select connections first. Visualize what the world of your ego looks like, who lives there, and what beliefs you take as truth in your ego world.

How can you imagine a new, different world where you feel safe and secure? How would you do it this time if you could do a situation over? Have a chat with your “ego” and offer it comfort and seek what it needs to care for it healthily?

Explore your resiliency. You didn’t want to go through tough times, but you got through them. What strengths did you discover about yourself? How did this challenging experience change your priorities? Celebrate how you have grown instead of feeding the monster of resentment.

Reflections for Resiliency: I Live A Worry-Free Lifestyle

In order to develop a more resilient sense of self, Ron Huxley has created a new series called “Reflections for Resiliency”. The reflections are free to use for your inner development and self-care. This is a sample of what you will get in a new course on resilience at, coming Fall 2020.

In this first blog on personal reflections, Ron Huxley provides direction on living a worry-free life. Use them as proclamations over your life and shift the atmosphere of your home and relationships. Use a journal along side each reflection to write our thought own thoughts and feelings. Answer the Self-Reflection Questions at the end to help you apply them to your life.

You can download a PDF version of this reflection : Click Here!

Be sure to share this blog post with your family and friends…

I Live A Worry-Free Life

There is no better way to live than to live a life full of joy, health, peace, and happiness.

I choose to live a worry-free life because I know that anxiety crowds out productivity. I can and do plan for the future, but I realize that the only moment I can control is the present.

I use the creativity and wisdom I have gained from my experiences to make the best plans I can for the future. I realize, however, that even the most carefully laid plans are just ideas – figments of my imagination susceptible to factors outside my control. By acknowledging that I have no control over the future, I free myself from the dead end of worry.

I choose to conserve my mental and emotional energy by keeping my focus on the reality of what is in front of me. I make the most of this moment and trust that I will be able to handle the next when it comes.

When my focus is on this moment, I am alert and able to recognize the people who are invaluable to me. When my focus is on this moment, I am able to take advantage of new opportunities that come my way and create a life that is rich and rewarding.

By letting go of worry, I free myself to use my energy to be productive in the here and now.

Self-Reflection Questions:

  1. Am I wasting time fretting about something that is outside my control? Why?
  2. What do I realistically gain by worrying?
  3. What can I do, today, to help me live a worry-free life?

Family Journals: Tens Ways to Improve Your Health and Relationships

By Ron Huxley, LMFT 

Journaling has long been a tool to achieving better emotional and 
mental health. The need to express oneself in a safe and controlled 
manner is a powerful means to improving self-esteem and personal 
relationships. Parents can use this tool to increase their 
effectiveness and satisfaction with family members. Here are ten ways 
that a journal will help parents: 

1. Tell your family story. What better way to immortalize your life 
than to write about it in a journal? You can create a memoir of your 
life growing up, describe the many branches on your family tree, or 
just make a scrapbook of your life. Children can benefit by learning 
their family history and discover whom they are in relation to past 
generations. Parents will find clues to family dysfunction and 
strengths by exploring their familial history. 

2. Share yourself with family members. Most people keep their 
journals private but choosing a sister or child to share a journal 
with can close the gap on distant relationships or bring close one’s 
even closer. Swap separate journals for family members to read, keep 
a family journal that is free for all to read and write, or create a 
journal to express thoughts, feelings, and dreams with a particular 
family member. 

3. Organize yourself…emotionally and spiritually. Whenever I go to 
the store, I make a list. If I don’t I am sure to forget something. 
Probably a few “something’s”. Writing things down helps me recall 
what I need to buy. Journaling will help you remember the emotional 
and spiritual items you need in your life. Some of this items you may 
not have known you needed and others will be one’s that you know you 
need but haven’t had the courage to go out there and get it. 
Journaling is the first step in that spiritual grocery store 

4. Track your emotions, moods, and experiences over time. Monday was 
a high-energy day. Tuesday, I felt depressed and lethargic. 
Wednesday, I started to climb out of it. Thursday, I felt better but 
had difficulty focusing. You get the picture, right? Journals will 
help you map the highs and lows of your week, month, or year so that 
you can plan your life accordingly. What mood ring can do that for 

5. Unburden yourself and let go of old hurts. You’ve carried that old 
emotional baggage for how many years now? Isn’t it time to let it go 
and move forward feeling a little lighter on the emotional load. You 
can let go of the hurts and fears you inherited from childhood that 
have clung to you through adulthood and affected all of your 
important relationships. Release them into a journal and really live 
life to the fullest. Because you are anonymous, this is your 
opportunity to say it all and unburden yourself so that you can have 
freer, more productive relationships with your family instead of 
venting it all at them. 

6. Clarify and achieve your dreams, goals, and aspirations. Any 
successful life planner, motivational speaker, or therapist will tell 
you that in order to achieve a goal or dream you must write it down. 
Journals are a great way to realizing that goal or dream. While the 
path of life and relationships seems confusing and chaotic, a look 
back, into your journal, will reveal some very clear patterns that 
will help you in your future journeying. 

7. Share your wisdom (life experiences) with others. I may not be an 
expert on life but I have had my share of successes and failures. So 
have you. Together we can learn and grow more than either of us could 
have done alone. Use journals to write down your mistakes so your 
children do not make the same one’s or share a few tips about life 
that you wish your parents had shared with you. It’s not too late. 

8. Glimpse the world through the eyes of another person. Journals 
allow you to see life from the perspective of another’s culture, 
geography, beliefs, age, and gender. Take a trip around the world or 
through time simply by reading a family journal. Ask family members 
to describe you or your childhood. You may be surprise by what you 
learn when others look at you and your life. 

9. Challenge your beliefs and enrich your life. Master therapists 
tell us that in order to change your life you must change your 
thoughts or beliefs. Doing this on your own is difficult if not 
impossible. Journals are a great way to analyze those thoughts that 
get in the way of good mental health and better family relationships. 

10. Realize you are not alone! Have you had a loved one pass away? 
Suffered a divorce or financial loss? Had a prodigal child leave 
home? Anyone who has suffered a loss or felt the weight of depression 
knows how lonely that can be. It feels like no one could possibly 
understand the pain you feel. Family Journals remind you know that 
you are never alone and that hope is just one entry away!