Core Values are what drive our best practices in life. These values are at the heart of healing for Ron Huxley and are evident in his work with families:
Healing occurs in “family”. The family is the primary healing agent for change. Children cannot be “fixed” but must be treated as powerful, creative people that must learn to live with other powerful, creative people called “family.” Family can look like many positive things.
Healing is Wholeness. Healing isn’t just about coping with problems, it is about being whole in mind, body, and spirit. It involves and impacts all three areas.
Healing looks like something. It should be noticeable, practical, and agreeable. It involves a change of heart as well as behavior. It is a measurable process.
Healing focuses on our strength’s. Healing builds on what is already working… It focuses on doing more of what works and less of what doesn’t.
Healing is multi-sensory and experiential. It uses all the senses and can involve storytelling, drama, movement, and art.
Healing occurs when a “false belief” is replaced with a “true belief”. A false belief is the real root of the problem, not the behavior. Behaviors are the fruit of your beliefs. Once the false belief is discovered, a true belief must take its place.
Healing is inherent in identity. You can choose what you belief about yourself and not what your situation suggests or others say about you. Once you know your identity you will know your needs and your boundaries.
Healing always involves truth. It comes form understanding “all there is to know” about the story of you. Even young children can handle truth when shared in a developmentally appropriate and caring way. Truth brings freedom from pain.
Parenting & Pain
By Ron Huxley, LMFT
It is hard to be on top of our parenting game when you are in a lot of emotional pain. This is especially challenging if the origin of this pain comes from the children that we are trying to parent. It might be simplistic to say but pain is “painful.” It hurts! It shuts us down and drives a wall between us and others so we can’t be hurt anymore. We want to retreat to nurse our wounds before risking more in relationships. Unfortunately, the everyday tasks of life have to be completed and our children continue to need us. As a compromise to this situation we become robotic in our actions. We are hyper-functional but we are hypo-relational. We get stuff done but we are just going through the motions and have no e-motions to share. We are too raw!
If you are in this place, make a resolution to find some help through good friends, therapists, doctors, etc. There are lot of support groups and parenting educations classes in your community. Be determined not to repeat past problems. Find new ideas and new support to achieve new, less painful interactions with your family. Second, be OK with being in a place of pain but don’t let it define you. You feel bad but YOU are not bad. Hurtful feelings are normal responses to hurtful actions they are not meant to be permanent. You will have better days again but don’t allow shame to pull you deeper into that dark place of despair. Set some boundaries, find some help and get mad a shame. It is not your friend!
Take back control of your home: 101 Parenting Tools: Building the Family of Your Dreams