Connecting your Head to your Heart 🧠 + ❤️

A common struggle for modern people is a disconnection between the head and heart. We know one thing to be true, in our head, but we don’t feel or experience that truth, in our hearts or lives. We might have “Know-ledge” that someone love us (a partner, family, friend) but we don’t feel or experience the “know-ing.”

The result of this disconnection is a wide rage of negative emotions and physiological reactions. This lack, of knowing in our hearts, is rapidly creating anxiety in the world. The manifestation is broken relationships, depression and suicidal ideations, and addiction to handle pain. A simple remedy is to reconnect the head and heart.

Connecting the head to the heart allows us to live more positively!

Neuroscience provides the key to reconnecting head and heart through the new science of neuroplasticity. This refers to the brains ability to reorganize into new networks and mental patterns. It used to be believed that the brain and nervous system only grew during childhood and then stopped. All our learned patterns were fixed once we were adults or at least drastically slowed down. We know know that this is not true.

Learning can occur across the lifespan and the brain can reroute circuits, repattern networks, and even create new brain matter in response to new social emotional inputs, environmental influences, repeated practices, and even small amounts of psychological stress (yes, stress). The brain can also relearn skills, like speaking and motor movement, following brain damage.

Because the brain can be redesigned it is called “plastic” or moldable. Children are an example of neuroplasticity. Developmentally, they are “experience-dependent” coming into the world with neuro-hardware possessing basic operating instructions but needing software or experiences from loving caregivers to program the brain and its resulting behaviors or actions.

The infant brain is primed for social contact and seeks healthy attachments. If those attachments are missed or the attachment bond is frightening, as in case of abused and neglected children, the result is a child with severe emotional and behavioral disturbances.

Fortunatley, if a chlid did not “inherit” a healthy attachment, an adult, through deep inner work and repairing with healthy adult partners, can “earn” their lost security.

NOTE: You can learn more about attachment in our free online course at Traumatoolbox.com

Here is a simple two-step practice that has been proven to change the brain in a positive way and connect the head to the heart:

1. Activate your head. What is you WANT to believe but don’t currently feel is true? Write this statement out on a piece of paper and say it outloud. Of course, it will not FEEL true because it is your head that is saying it, not your heart.

2. Activate your heart. Picture this statement “as if” it were true. Hold that image in your heart while you take slow, deep breaths. The breathing will keep the body from overriding the statements as not true. It just wants to protect you from hurt or disappoinment. Ignore it, or better yet, thank it for trying to protect you and continue to picture it.

This is not “whoo-whoo” philosphy. This is science. Research has proven that daily expressions of gratitude create literal changes in brain structure and mental functions. This is measureable change! The brain looks for reasons to validate what it believes. If you believe that you people are rude to you, your reticular activating system (a group of neural connectsion in your brain stem that play a crucial role in maintaining behavioral arousl, direct focus, and conciousness) will filter sensor input to be congruent with the thoughts you think about yourself and your world. The brain validates what you believe! If you think people are rude, you will see rude people everwhere. They are not hard to find…

If you think that people are kind and generous toward you, the reticular activating system will filter out the rude people and notice only kind and generous people. In turn, this will reinforce your knowledge of kind and generous people, and increase your knowing additional kind and generous people, developing new neural pathways in the physical brain so you have new mental capacity and memories, and new moods and behaviors will develop.

If this doesn’t convince you, listen to this interesting fact:

The heart is a more power, electrical object than your brain! The heart is about 100,000 times stronger electrically and up to 5000 ties stronger magnetically than the brain. Although imperceptible to us, the heart give off an electromagnetic (EEG) field that can be measured up to three feet away from our bodies. It you are depressed, angry, bitter…can others experience it whether they mentally understand it or not? Of course, they can. Ask any highly sensitive person and they will tell you how challenging it is to be in a room with another sad or angry person. The emotional field will shift their emotional state as well unless they mentally (head and hearts connection again) rehearse this this feeling is not their but belongs to others.

Here’s another fact:

The heart is not just a blood-pumping organ, it is a sensory organ. It acts as a “sophisticated information encoding and processing center that enables it to learn, remember, and make independent functional decisions.”

An emotion is e-motion or energy in motion. It is not just thoughts, in our head, that direct our lives. Our heart is an important area of personal and spiritual growth as well. We need it to have healthy relationships, make successful business decisions, and overcome traumatic events. This latter area is called “neuroresilience” as is a term coined by Ron Huxley in his online course: TraumaToolbox.com

It is really time to stop using our heads without connecting our hearts. Use the two-step practice, allow the principle of neuroplasticity to affect new change, and find more freedom in thoughts and emotions.

Sources: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuroplasticity

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reticular_formation

https://www.thehealedtribe.com/heart-coherence-and-resilience

https://americanheartsaver.com/heart-intelligence-the-heart-is-more-powerful-than-the-brain/

Use all the courses available for the head and the heart at http://familyhealer.tv

Parenting Success In Small Steps

By Ron Huxley, LMFT

The key to building the family of your dreams is to measure your success in tiny steps. Stop looking for the big changes and focus on the small. Eventually you will get to the big ones but only one tiny step at a time.

Parents have a shortage of time. The quickest way end a parents dream strategy is feeling “overwhelmed.” Map out your day with your family in terms if hours and minutes. Build in time cushions so that you can get everything done. Eliminate anything that is not absolutely essential to the type of relationships you want and deserve to have.

Dream Parenting is about speaking into the lives of our children and awakening them to the reality of who they are designed to be. Not all children what us to speak to them. They feel they know best. How do they come up with that idea? Do they see us as poor models about how to live life? Do our actions not inspire them to be designed like their designers? Design is the starting place. Destiny is the goal. They carry our DNA but we have to imprint and inspire them to be all they are designed to be, so they can live out their destiny. Our dream family is not just a product of our imaginations alone. It is birthed in the union with those we have birthed. 

Our children turn away from our moral codes when we react more to fear than to promises about our future. Fear is always a reaction. Promise is a response! Think about it for a few minutes. As parents, too many of our past disappointments are speaking into our present/presence and we do not display a design our children want to emulate. Dreams are not born out of fear. Dreams are produced by a strong faith in the knowledge of who we are. Not what we do and not based on what our children do. 

I hope this is not confusing you. You can’t build a dream family by managing behavior. That’s the bottom line. You have to build it by reminding yourself and your children about who you are designed to be. If you don’t yet understand that, then this is the first step in your new family blueprint. 

I think I should create a handout to go with this…Be on the lookout for one. in the meantime, join our MORE list and get past Dream Parenting Handouts and more: Click here now.

What will your family be in 5 years?

Prayer isn’t your typical parenting tool but it should be…families can use all the help they can get in overcoming the challenges that face them in today’s society. Bring the power of Heaven to your aid and begin calling into reality what you want for you and your children today. We can’t provide direction for our family based on our history. We must live from our imaginations and what we need in our future where things have not yet been decided.

Use our FREE Tool “The Future Starts Now” to build the family of your dreams. It will provide you with a clear path to marshaling the resources of Heaven and your relational energy on your behalf. You deserve more joy, peace and love in your family.

Download the PDF Dream Building Tool: “The Future Starts Now”

PS – You can get even more powerful parenting tools when you join our “MORE” Newsletter. Click here…

Parents don’t have to win every battle…

Parents can take back their home life and create an atmosphere of love and peace. The strategy is battling a series of change campaigns over many weeks, months and perhaps years. Don’t lose the war due to impatience or stretching yourself too thin by fighting every battle of every day. You are outnumbered! You don’t have the same amount of physiological energy as your children. Be strategic and fight key battles on specific hills and don’t give up until that battle is won. These hills are territories of the heart that have been taken over by fear, resentments, unforgiveness, entitlements, When they are taken over, relationships become cold and defenses are built. Risk, through reconciliation and repentance of mistakes are the weapons that bring these defenses down.

diyparent:

Children who have been abused and neglected suffer from an internal model of fear. The world is a scary place. Providers, regardless of the amount of love and tenderness, can’t be trusted. Behaviors can go to the extreme and violate social norms and expectations but these behaviors were normal in an abnormal world. They are now abnormal in a normal family! Unfortunately, children who have been maltreated still operated under F.E.A.R. or False Evidence Appearing Real.

Parents have to be invested in creating a culture of celebration, creativity and hope in the next generation. When parents wake up their hearts need to beat wth the urgency to empower their children and instill values of perseverance, positivity and generosity. This can’t and won’t happen unless parents model it and rearrange their schedules to make sure this is allowed in the home. Change the atmosphere you and your children breath if you want them to have, inside of them, the things you say you want them to be and do!