Dealing with the Soul and Emotions

Everyone struggles with how to deal with their emotions. This is especially challenging for children whose neurological development has not matured to the point that they can use more rational thinking to deal with their emotions. It becomes even more problematic if our children have suffered a traumatic event or experienced toxic stress. 

Trauma and toxic stress impair all areas of development for children causing them to act and think below their chronological age. We call this gap “Age vs. Stage” to reference how a 16-year-old can act socially and emotionally like a 6-year-old. Often, the age that the child experienced the trauma is the emotional age they get stuck at even while the rest of them advance in years. This can open the eyes for many caregivers who are puzzled by the age vs stage problem. 

Adults don’t always have good solutions to this problem, however. We may not really know how to manage our own emotions. Perhaps we have had our own trauma that shuts us down when overwhelmed by stress or we haven’t had many examples of what healthy, responsible adults do with their intense feelings and so, we limp along with our own developmental journey. 

What most adults do is stuff their feelings. They might do this by dissociating from their bodily reactions and disconnect from extreme feelings of intimacy or closeness. They might push the feelings down until the boil over in a fit of rage, with everyone around the just waiting for the next volcanic explosion. They might try to be super reasonable and lecture their family and be perfectionistic with expectations no one can live up to. 

The healthier answer is not to try and live from our emotions at all! The secret is that you can change your emotions by changing what you believe. When you wake up in the morning, don’t ask yourself “How do I feel today?” Ask yourself, instead “What do I believe today?”

Families who are faith-based believe many things they don’t always practice. For example, we believe that God will take care of all our needs but we spend hours being worried. Our beliefs must go deeper into our subconscious minds where habits exist. You don’t think about how to do certain things in life, like driving your car or make dinner, because those thought structures are set in our subconscious mind so that we can spend more energy on other conscious thoughts and actions. Practicing what we preach has to become a natural reaction to life’s challenges as well. 

Faith-based families have a strange distrust of their own souls as well. Our souls comprise our body, mind, and will. Perhaps we distrust them because we haven’t changed our subconscious habits yet. This will be an on-going process, for sure, and one we can start modeling for our children as well. We also have to live healthy lifestyles, eating good food, engaging in playful activities, and getting rest and exercise. 

Our beliefs allow us to overcome shame from our past. This is what causes traumatized children (and adults) from believing they deserve a good life because they are unworthy of love, unwanted by biological parents, and damaged in some way – maybe many ways. This negative belief results in the sabotage of success, self-injurious behavior, suicidal ideations, depression, anxiety, and fear. This list could go on…

God’s mercies are supposed to be “new every morning” and the same level of grace should be extended to ourselves as well as to other. We need to offer this to our traumatized children, as well. Whatever happened yesterday must be forgiven and our thought life must be taken captive. 

A powerful tool for ourselves and for our families is to make biblical declarations – out loud! Life or death is on the tongue and what we say can steer the direction of our lives (Proverbs 18:21; James 3). Speaking out our new beliefs is an act of faith because we may not feel that what we are saying is true but we are not letting our emotions guide our beliefs, we are letting our beliefs direct our emotions. 

Renewing the mind is how we are to live our faith governed lives and it is a continual process of maturity for our children and will help to close the age vs. stage gap (Romans 12:1-1). 

Start your declarations with the words “I believe” and see what happens to your own mindset as well as to your child’s attitude and behaviors.

“I believe” that I have all the grace I need to face any challenge or problem that comes up for me today.

“I believe” that I am worthy of love and the love of God, who is love, overflows from me to everyone I encounter today.

“I believe” that I am trustworthy, kind, and tenderhearted. I am able to forgive other people who have hurt by and not live in bitterness or seek revenge. 

  • “I believe” that my prayers are powerful.
  • “I believe” I am great at relationships and making friends.
  • “I believe”  that my family is blessed and I am a blessing to everyone around me.
  • “I believe” God is on my side and doesn’t hate me or punish me. 
  • “I believe” I can think right thoughts and make good decisions.
  • “I believe” that I am successful and have the ability to think and act creatively today.
  • “I believe” today is a new day, full of new mercies, and I can be happy and rejoice in it. 
  • “I believe” that the joy of the Lord is my strength. 
  • “I believe” I do not have a spirit of fear and God gives me power, love, and a sound mind. 
  • “I believe” that I can control what I say and everything from my lips speak love, live, and encouragement. 
  • “I believe” that I can remember everything I am studying and will accomplish everything that needs to get down today. 
  • “I believe” that believing the truth sets me free of fear and depression. 

Don’t worry if you don’t always feel what you say is true. Don’t be concerned or deterred if your children don’t agree with your declarations, at first. I believe that if you practice these declarations and start to create your own personal list that you will see incredible changes in your own heart and the heart of your family, today and over time!

Take a free online course to help your family heal at FamilyHealer.tv

New Course: Hacking Your Nervous System

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Ron Huxley’s has created a new course for his FamilyHealerSchool. It is called “Hack Your Nervous System” and compiles creative training material from the TraumaToolbox and Freedom From Anxiety Programs.

Why would anyone want to hack their nervous system? Why is this a powerful healing strategy for individuals who have suffered toxic stress or suffer from restlessness, stress, panic, Post-traumatic triggers and more?

  • 10% of the population suffer from Post-traumatic stress disorders. 1 in 8 adults describes having weekly panic attacks and on-going social anxiety that ruin relationships, destroy careers, and create disease and finally death. Hacking your nervous system will start you on the road to healing and recovery.
  • Most people who suffer from anxiety and trauma can’t use traditional talk therapy or behavioral tools provided by professionals. This is because their nervous systems are hyper or hypo aroused and need to be regulated first!
  • Children cannot learn in school. Adults can’t focus at work. People can’t seem to function without mood-altering drugs or prescriptions. Why is this a growing problem in society? Use natural, powerful tools to find inner peace and harmony.

You can take this completely free course now by clicking here: http://FamilyHealerSchool.com

If you would like to invite Ron to provide this training at your organization or agency, email him at rehuxley@gmail.com.

Family Healer School

Ron Huxley’s FamilyHealerSchool.com provides families with FREE help on parenting, anxiety, trauma, child behavior, spirituality and more. You can find healing for you and your family with multimedia content, downloadable resources, quizzes, and inspirational meditations. Our vision is to see families healed and living in complete abundance.

Get more information now: Click here!

TriUnity Model of “Freedom From Anxiety”

The TriUnity Model of my online course “Freedom From Anxiety” refers to the three domains of our nature: Body, Mind, and Spirit. This faith-based approach to dealing with fear, worry, panic, and anxiety operate by focusing on our identity and destiny.

In the Bible, a favorite verse is Psalms 139 that declares, at the moment of conception, we were wonderfully and fearfully made. This original design struggles to present itself in a world full of brokenness and pain. Restoring this divine order is the central aim of the “Freedom From Anxiety” course.

To achieve this, the course addresses anxiety in the body by creating safety, turning off the false alarms, building NeuroResilience* to repair the limbic system and balance in the autonomic nervous system. It focuses on anxiety in the mind by capturing negative thoughts that lead to anxious feelings and behaviors. And finally, it concentrates on the spirit that rediscovers our true self and integrates disconnected aspects of the body and mind.

Another favorite verse is “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7, NKJB). This sound mind refers to the capacity to bounce back from traumatic events that are the root of much of our anxiety and fears. Having the correct alignment between body, mind, and spirit, allow us to build this capacity to have self-control and positive self-judgments in the face of anxious moments. 

A positive, God-centered identity allows us to have “ease” in life, living confidently and courageously. When we do not have “ease” we have “dis-ease” that affects every area of our nature. Having a higher perspective of yourself, in the world, brings a greater sense of peace. Viewing things from our bodily reactions and our mental experiences give rise to fear and terror. The world can be a scary place. Life can be overwhelming. One definition of trauma is when stressors overwhelm our capacity to manage them. Building spiritual capacity is key to our new freedom.

Learn more about how you can find “Freedom From Anxiety” by taking our free course at http://FamilyHealerSchool.com now.

*NeuroResilience is copyrighted by Ron Huxley, LMFT 2018

Trauma Toolbox Fall Conference

Join me as the speaker for San Luis Obispo, California’s Fall Conference. I will be featuring my online trauma-informed care training: The Trauma Toolbox. 

This conference is free for parents and professionals who want to know more about this project and learn practical tools for healing trauma.

Be sure to RSVP at the DSS Training Line at 805-781-1705. Childcare will be available at an alternative location. Please call to arrange.

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Fall “Faith-In-Motion” Seminars

Join me for the latest series of “Faith-In-Motion” seminars this fall 2018. I will be collaborating again with Grace Central Coast church, San Luis Obispo County Department of Social Services, and Cuesta College to provide healing strategies for hurt children and families.

The schedule for the training include:

September 24, 2018 – “Bottom Up”

October 26, 2018 – “Inside Out”

November 26, 2018 – “Spiritual Surround”

BOTTOM UP refers to the healing strategies for traumatized children embodied in the brain and nervous system. In order for behavioral strategies to stick, we must calm down the hyperaroused nervous system. Learn practical, power-full tools for your trauma toolbox.

INSIDE OUT refers to strategies that will focus on the negative “lies” we believe about ourselves. Children in loving homes can still view themselves as unworthy of love. They can sabotage themselves and create more pain for their families. Learn new ways to transform lies into the truth that will set children and families free.

SPIRITUAL SURROUND refers to strategies to use the spiritual atmosphere of the home. Together we will explore how to create compassion and loving kindness in ourselves and our children. Transform negative atmospheres into hope-filled realities.

The seminars will be located at Grace Slo Church at 1350 Osos Street, San Luis Obispo, Ca. from 9 am to 12 noon.

Free Childcare with RSVP to 805-781-1705 or to lbooker@co.slo.ca.uswith number of people and number and ages of children needing childcare. Childcare will be limited and for ages 0-5 only.