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Top 5 Books on Parenting

  1. “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish – This classic parenting book provides practical advice and effective communication techniques for parents to better connect with their children. The authors offer strategies for improving communication, managing conflicts, and building solid relationships with kids of all ages.
  2. “Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility” by Foster Cline and Jim Fay – This parenting book focuses on teaching children responsibility and decision-making skills. The authors provide strategies for setting healthy boundaries and encouraging children to take ownership of their choices and behaviors.
  3. “The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson explores the connection between brain development and parenting. The authors provide practical tips and strategies for parents to support their child’s emotional and cognitive development, such as using storytelling and play to connect with kids.
  4. “No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson – Another book by Siegel and Bryson focuses on discipline and ways to guide children’s behavior while building a strong emotional connection. The authors offer practical strategies for managing tantrums and meltdowns, teaching children self-regulation, and fostering empathy and respect.
  5. “The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children” by Dr. Shefali Tsabary – This book challenges traditional parenting approaches and encourages parents to cultivate a deeper awareness of their emotions and behaviors. The author provides practical tips and strategies for becoming more mindful and present with children, encouraging emotional intelligence and authenticity, and building strong parent-child relationships based on mutual respect and trust.

Get more reviews and recommendations at FamilyHealer.tv.

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Promoting Healing and Resilience: Trauma-Informed Parenting Strategies for Self-Regulation in Children

Trauma-informed parenting is an approach to parenting that considers the impact of trauma on a child’s emotional and psychological well-being. It recognizes that children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or neglect may struggle to regulate their emotions, form positive relationships, and cope with stress.

Trauma-informed parenting involves creating a safe, stable, and supportive environment for children who have experienced trauma. It emphasizes the importance of safety and predictability while promoting healing and resilience.

Trauma-informed parenting also emphasizes the importance of understanding a child’s trauma history and its impact on their behavior and emotions. This involves being aware of triggers that may re-traumatize a child and learning to respond in a supportive and validating way.

Trauma-informed parenting uses positive discipline strategies that teach appropriate behavior and promote self-regulation rather than punishment or harsh discipline. It also emphasizes the importance of helping children build positive relationships and promoting their sense of self-worth.

Overall, trauma-informed parenting is an approach that emphasizes understanding and responding to a child’s needs in a way that promotes healing, resilience, and positive development.

Promoting self-regulation in a traumatized child can be a challenging but essential aspect of trauma-informed parenting. Self-regulation involves a child’s ability to manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in response to internal and external stressors.

Here are some strategies parents can use to promote self-regulation in their traumatized child:

  1. Model self-regulation: Children learn through observation, so parents must model healthy self-regulation strategies, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or other coping techniques.
  2. Provide a predictable routine: A consistent and predictable pattern can provide a sense of safety and security for a traumatized child, which can help promote self-regulation.
  3. Create a calming environment: Creating a calm and soothing environment can help a child feel more relaxed and in control, which can help promote self-regulation. This may involve using soft lighting, calming music, or other sensory tools.
  4. Teach coping skills: Teach your child healthy coping skills, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or other relaxation techniques, to help them manage their emotions and calm their body.
  5. Use positive reinforcement: Praise your child when they demonstrate self-regulation skills and reinforce positive behavior with rewards or incentives.
  6. Encourage physical activity: Physical activity can help a child release pent-up energy and emotions, which can help promote self-regulation. Encourage your child to participate in sports, dance, or yoga activities.

Parents can use these strategies to help their traumatized child develop healthy self-regulation skills, promoting healing, resilience, and positive development.

Self-Regulation

Promoting self-regulation in a traumatized child can be a challenging but essential aspect of trauma-informed parenting. Self-regulation involves a child’s ability to manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in response to internal and external stressors.

Here are some strategies parents can use to promote self-regulation in their traumatized child:

  1. Model self-regulation: Children learn through observation, so parents must model healthy self-regulation strategies, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or other coping techniques.
  2. Provide a predictable routine: A consistent and predictable pattern can provide a sense of safety and security for a traumatized child, which can help promote self-regulation.
  3. Create a calming environment: Creating a calm and soothing environment can help a child feel more relaxed and in control, which can help promote self-regulation. This may involve using soft lighting, calming music, or other sensory tools.
  4. Teach coping skills: Teach your child healthy coping skills, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or other relaxation techniques, to help them manage their emotions and calm their body.
  5. Use positive reinforcement: Praise your child when they demonstrate self-regulation skills and reinforce positive behavior with rewards or incentives.
  6. Encourage physical activity: Physical activity can help a child release pent-up energy and emotions, which can help promote self-regulation. Encourage your child to participate in sports, dance, or yoga activities.

Parents can use these strategies to help their traumatized child develop healthy self-regulation skills, promoting healing, resilience, and positive development.

Let Ron Huxley help you and your family find a pathway to healing. Schedule a session today by clicking here!

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10 Adlerian Parenting Tips for Children Who Have Experienced Trauma or Abuse

Adlerian parenting is based on the philosophy of Alfred Adler, an Austrian psychiatrist and founder of Adlerian psychology. Adler believed that human behavior is motivated by a desire for belonging, significance, and social connection. Adlerian parenting promotes a child’s competence and self-esteem while encouraging social responsibility and respect for others.


Adlerian parenting emphasizes creating a warm, nurturing, and cheerful home environment where children feel valued loved and supported. Adlerian parents strive to provide opportunities for their children to develop independence, social interest, and positive self-esteem while fostering a sense of community and social responsibility.


Adlerian parenting is based on encouragement, respect, and mutual trust between parents and children. Adlerian parents seek to understand their child’s perspective and feelings while setting clear boundaries and expectations for behavior. Adlerian parenting also emphasizes the importance of positive discipline strategies that focus on teaching appropriate behavior and promoting self-regulation rather than using punishment or harsh discipline.
Overall, the philosophy of Adlerian parenting is focused on promoting a child’s sense of belonging, significance, and social interest while encouraging positive behavior, social responsibility, and respect for others.

  1. Provide a safe and stable environment: Children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress need a sense of safety and stability. Create routines, set boundaries, and provide a secure home environment.
  2. Encourage healing through positive reinforcement: Praise your child’s effort and progress towards healing rather than just their achievements. This fosters a sense of resilience and self-worth.
  3. Focus on building trust: Children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress often struggle to trust others. Take the time to listen to your child and validate their feelings, which can help rebuild trust.
  4. Use positive discipline strategies: Instead of punishment or harsh discipline, use positive methods that teach appropriate behavior and promote self-regulation.
  5. Foster a sense of community: Encourage your child to be involved in positive community activities and develop positive relationships with peers. This helps them feel supported and less isolated.
  6. Provide opportunities for choice and control: Children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress may feel powerless. Providing options and opportunities for power can help build their self-esteem and sense of agency.
  7. Use trauma-informed parenting techniques: Learn about techniques and strategies, such as sensory regulation, grounding exercises, and mindfulness, that can help children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress.
  8. Model healthy coping strategies: Children learn by example, so model healthy coping strategies and positive self-care behaviors, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and exercise.
  9. Provide opportunities for play and creative expression: Play and creative expression can help children process and heal from trauma, abuse, or toxic stress. Provide opportunities for imaginative play, art, and other forms of creative expression.
  10. Seek professional support: Children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress may benefit from professional support. Consider seeking therapy, counseling, or other support services to help your child heal and thrive.

Contact Ron Huxley, LMFT, to schedule a session if you need support on parenting tips and tools.

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Digital Parenting is a Big Problem for Parents in 2023

It’s 2023, and parenting is changing just like everything else at a pace parents struggle to cope with. Technology has changed the way we communicate, the way we learn, and even the way we parent. It’s no surprise that digital parenting will be one of the biggest problems.

First, parents are trying to cope with their children’s virtual learning. With the increasing number of online classes and virtual schooling options, parents are trying to figure out how to make virtual learning work for their kids. They’re looking for ways to create a productive home learning environment, manage their kids’ online classes, and stay connected with their kids’ teachers and classmates.

Second, “digital parenting” is a growing struggle for parents in 2023. As technology becomes increasingly integrated into our lives, parents are trying to figure out how to monitor their kids’ online activities while still allowing them freedom. Parents need clarification about setting boundaries, teaching responsible screen use, and monitoring children’s digital activities. They’re attempting to protect children from cyberbullying and online predators.

Parents have differing views about how to manage their children’s screen time. With so many devices and platforms available, tracking how much time kids spend on screens can be tricky. Parents are looking for strategies to manage screen time and create a healthy balance of online and offline activities for their kids. Part of the problem is that parents need to become more familiar with the digital world, as are their children. Children can run circles around parents on operating computers and manipulating monitoring software.

It is essential that parents set some boundaries and rules, even if they are not perfect. Focus on the types of content your child can access, the amount of time they can spend online, and the people they can interact with. These boundaries should be age-appropriate and consider your child’s maturity level.

Parents will have to model responsible use of technology. Sit with children, ask questions, be open about how to use the internet safely and securely, protect themselves, and be wary of potential risks. Don’t shy away from difficult conversations about cyberbullying and online predators.

Even if you can’t control or out-think your child when it comes to technology, stay active in monitoring what your child is doing online. If warranted, search internet browser history, follow their social media accounts, and even look through children’s posts/messages.

Discuss limits with children to get their input on what they think is appropriate. Parents can make the final decisions, but getting children to take some ownership of the limits they recommend will increase cooperation. Let children teach you about social media and internet use.

Here is a list of the best websites parents can use to better understand how to manage digital parenting and technology.

  1. Common Sense Media: Common Sense Media is an invaluable resource for digital parenting. They offer various resources, from age-appropriate media recommendations to online safety tools. They also provide guidance on talking to kids about online safety and setting up parental controls.
  2. National PTA: The National Parent Teacher Association (PTA) is an excellent resource for parents looking to better understand how to manage digital parenting and technology. The PTA offers a variety of resources, including tips on how to set up a family media plan, how to talk to kids about online safety, and how to recognize signs of cyberbullying.
  3. Connect Safely: Connect Safely is a nonprofit organization providing parents with safety tips and guidance on managing digital parenting and technology. They offer a wealth of resources, including a parent guide to social media, a guide to online gaming, and advice on creating a family media plan.
  4. Parent Zone: Parent Zone is a website dedicated to helping parents and carers understand and manage digital parenting and technology. They offer a range of resources, from advice on setting up parental controls to tips on talking to kids about online safety.
  5. Net Aware: Net Aware is a website run by the UK’s National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC). It provides parents with reviews and advice on social media platforms, apps, and games, as well as tips on how to keep children safe online.
  6. Media Smarts: Media Smarts is a Canadian organization that provides parents with resources to manage digital parenting and technology. They offer a range of resources, including tips on how to talk to kids about online safety, spot and respond to cyberbullying, and set up parental controls.
  7. Microsoft Family Safety: Microsoft Family Safety is a free app that helps parents manage their family’s digital experience. The app provides parents with tools to set limits on screen time, content, and insights into their children’s online activities.
  8. Be Internet Awesome: Be Internet Awesome is a program from Google that teaches kids digital safety and citizenship. The program includes activities, games, and resources to help kids understand online security and make intelligent decisions.

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6 Steps Adoptive Parents Need to Learn

When you adopt a child, it’s not uncommon to find yourself parenting a child who has been traumatized. The emotional regulation skills that all children learn in their early years were probably not developed as well as they could have been in the child’s pre-adoption life, and now you’re facing the task of helping your child learn how to manage their emotions.

It’s not always easy, but some strategies can help make this process easier. Here are some tips for dealing with emotionally dysregulated children who were adopted:

1.) Learn about trauma and its effects on developing minds and bodies.

2.) Learn about emotional regulation and how it develops in children.

3.) Identify what emotional regulation looks like for your child—what do they do when they get upset? How do they express anger? Frustration? Sadness? Joy? What helps them calm down when they get upset? What makes them get upset or escalate into inappropriate behaviors? And most importantly: what doesn’t work when they feel overwhelmed by intense emotions?

4.) Since every child is unique, there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Learn brain-based parenting skills and methods.

5) Identity the attachment styles for each family member and discover techniques that create greater security.

6) Take care of yourself. Self-care is not a luxury. It is necessary to be more patient and resilient with your dysregulated child.

Take a free course on Trauma-Informed Care in the home, school, and community at TraumaToolbox.com.

If you need specialized help, contact Ron Huxley today by clicking here and scheduling an appointment.

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Tackle the Tech: Screen Time Tips

Parents frequently complain about how much time children spend on their screens. It can become a daily battle for technology, reaching addictive proportions for many children and teens. They seem obsessed with social media, snaps, and games. When denied, they tantrums and rage.

Before the pandemic, I used to advise parents to limit screens to a few hours per week. During the pandemic, the screen was the only access to school and social support. Being held “captive” in quarantine opened the apps and social media again, forcing parents to yield to children’s demands. Now, after the pandemic, I have to help parents with new ways to negotiate screen time.

According to the website, Defend Young Minds, here are 9 questions that can help tackle the technology by setting doable boundaries:

Here are 9 questions to help you establish family screen time boundaries:

  1. Mealtime. Are devices allowed when we are together at meals at home or at restaurants?
  2. Being present. Do we allow face-to-face conversations to be interrupted by a phone call or text?
  3. Time limits. How much screen time should we spend each day?
  4. Location. Where can devices be used? We strongly recommend that children’s devices are used only in common areas of the house and never in bedrooms or bathrooms.
  5. Bedtime. Where are devices recharged at night? We recommend that devices be charged in the parent’s room at night or where kids will not have access.
  6. Asking permission. Do I need to ask before I download apps or games? We recommend utilizing parental controls to disable downloads without permission.
  7. House rules. When friends come over, what restrictions apply to their devices? Some families use a cell phone basket on a counter to corral devices during the visit.
  8. Family visits. When and where can we use our devices when visiting friends or family?
  9. Courtesy. When we are in public, what are the rules for using our devices?

Instead of dictating all of the rules, involve children in the discussion so that they take more ownership. Democracy is better than a dictatorship! Be sure to negotiate consequences for not following the guidelines. Will there be a warning? Parents always have the final word but working together as a family team is the secret to screen management.

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School Behaviors: What’s behind it?

Use a trauma-informed lens when dealing with school behaviors / Ron Huxley, LMFT

The school is back in full swing, and parents and teachers may be trying to manage misbehaviors. Don’t be too quick to assume that it is all about MOTIVATION and MANIPULATION. I call this the M and M misunderstanding. Take some time to look behind the behavior and answer the problem under the problem for greater school success.

Consult with Ron Huxley today for additional help…

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Restart Your Life (Free Course)

Learn how to reboot and restart your life with a new course from Ron Huxley, LMFT, and FamilyHealer.tv. Here’s what you will learn:

6 ways to deal with upheaval at work

Worry only 30 minutes a day

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Don’t let disagreements ruin your relationships

Defeat perfectionism!

How avoidance actually creates more stress

5 ways to get out of your own way

Create a plan for your family life

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Oppositional Defiance in Teens

How do you deal with defiance in teenagers? All teens can be defiant some of the time. It can be a sign of healthy development as teens work to assert their own identity, but what happens when it is the daily pattern?

For oppositional behavior to be a true mental health diagnosis, a child must show a pattern of symptoms of angry/irritable, argumentative/defiant behavior, or vindictiveness for at least six months. Children and adolescents with ODD may have trouble controlling their temper and are disobedient and defy authority figures. Teenagers who present with these symptoms often have a history of depression or anxiety that coincides with this disorder. Treatment and medication that addresses these issues can reduce disruptive behavior as well.

As you can imagine, individuals with oppositional defiance also have problems making or keeping friends, performing in school, and can’t hold on to a job. Big problems with their own emotional regulation create chaos in relationships inside and outside the home.

Oppositional Defiance Disorder

Parents can learn new skills to manage their child’s disruptive moods and behaviors. Modeling how to collaboratively solve problems and using natural consequences decreases arguments and fights.

Using harsh discipline or aggressive behavior toward teenagers causes the situation to be worse. Authoritarian styles of parenting make get some control of teen behavior in the short term but create more problems over the long term and may ruin relationships with teens as they grow into adulthood. It may push teens into social conduct problems that result in them having trouble with law enforcement and being removed by social services.

Professionals use a “Child Behavior Checklist” to screen for criteria that meet the Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders definition of Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Other comorbid disorders may include ADHD, Conduct Disorder, Depressive or Bipolar Disorder, Intellectual Disability, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Language and Expressive Disorders, Social Phobia, and Anxiety.

Individual and group therapy for teenagers can be helpful. Parents can also learn new skills for managing oppositional behaviors. Learning about attachment styles and generational patterns of trauma can also be beneficial. Reading books on normal teen development is also recommended.

If you need more help with your teen or want to learn how to better parent, contact Ron Huxley today and schedule a session.

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The Top Five Traits of a Good Listener

If you want to become a good listener there are certain traits and skills you will need to learn. Listening is a great skill to develop and it can improve all areas of your life. People love to talk and are always looking for someone to listen to them. 

  1. When listening to someone your goal should be to understand their point of view. Listen to everything they say before forming your own opinion, and remember that you do not necessarily have to agree with them. Everyone deserves, and should form, their own opinions on various topics. 
  2. Paying attention is the next trait. If you don’t pay attention you will miss out on important information. Always be aware of what is going on with the person who is speaking, and don’t forget to pay attention to your surroundings. 
  3. The action of making eye contact with the person who is speaking, shows them that you are paying attention. If you start looking around you, you are giving them the impression that you are not interested, or have become bored. 
  4. Try to look at their point of view and ask yourself if they might be the person who is right. 
  5. Allow the person to finish talking. This often takes a little patience, but it can be helpful for both sides. First the person talking can vent their opinions or frustrations. Secondly it helps the listener to fully understand the issue at hand. 

A good listener will also think before responding back. Again they often ask what if this person is correct in their way of thinking. People have the bad trait of speaking before thinking and this can lead to all kinds of awkward or difficult situations. 

It is perfectly normal for your brain to want to respond quickly, stop yourself and think before you speak! 

Sometimes it can be hard to stay focused on a person, it is normal to want to look away. If you find yourself doing this try nodding to the person or making direct eye contact with them. This signals to them that you are paying attention. If you really need to look away for a second, then muffle a cough behind your hand! 

Other tips that you might want to use to show that you are paying attention include: 

  • Saying the person’s name now and again
  • Using facial expressions
  • Using body language

If you make an effort to put these five traits into play consistently, you will become a much better listener for it.