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New IOS Mobile App to Schedule Appointments

Our new SimplePractice Client Portal iOS mobile app allows you to manage your care while on the go. This HIPAA-compliant app is now available for download on the App Store.

The SimplePractice Client Portal app combines the client portal’s critical functionality with a mobile app’s convenience. With the app, you can:

  • Manage appointments
  • Join Telehealth sessions directly from the app
  • View invoices
  • Make payments
  • Review shared documents
  • Send Secure Messages
  • Opt to receive push notifications when new messages, invoices, and documents become available
  • Manage multiple profiles
  • Enable a Passcode, Face ID, or Touch ID for quick and secure login

Download it now: App Store

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The Upside of Toxic Stress

When it is chronic and untreated, adverse events can become toxic stress and severely impact individual health, social and cultural structure, and economic stability. 

Trauma affects everyone and has known no boundaries. It affects children and adults from all socioeconomic and ethnic backgrounds. It is one of the common denominators for individuals receiving services from social services organizations, and its structural disorganization shows up in correctional institutions, jails, schools, hospitals, and the workplace. 

According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), “individual trauma results from an event, series of events, or set of circumstances experienced by an individual as physically or emotionally harmful or life-threatening with lasting adverse effects on the individual’s functioning and mental, physical, social, emotional, or spiritual well-being.” [https://www.integration.samhsa.gov/clinical-practice/trauma-informed] 

The upside of recognizing the commonality of adversity and toxic stress causes us to respond compassionately to ourselves and others! 

Bessel van der Kolk, a leading researcher and author of the book “The Body Keeps the Score,” notes that “trauma is not the story of something that happened back then… it’s the current imprint of that pain, horror, and fear living inside people.” https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/blog/details/311/video-when-is-it-trauma-bessel-van-der-kolk-explains

This continual horror, triggered by events in the individual’s world, leads to a nervous system shutdown that has repercussions in the ability to read and express social cues, access executive brain skills, and find motivation or purpose in life. For researchers like van der Kolk, the body is key to understanding trauma treatment. This insight into toxic stress opens the doors of hope to helpers burdened by the cold cognitive concepts consisting of thought processes alone. 

Recognizing the body’s role on the mind and the mind on the body has opened the door to new therapies that allow for deeper healing!

Get more healing for you and your family with Ron Huxley’s online courses at FamilyHealer.tv or schedule a session with Ron today.

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Telehealth for Trauma: An effective treatment strategy

According to the National Center for Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, Telehealth or TeleMental Health services are an effective treatment strategy for trauma. Telehealth uses information technology, such as email, phone calls, FaceTime video, and Secure Online Video to conduct therapy services. This technology allows a therapist and a client to engage in real-time two-way interaction. Services that can be provided via Telehealth include assessments, individual and group therapy, psychoeducational interventions, and general therapeutic interactions.

Traditionally, mental health services are engaged in face-to-face, office visits. Just because this is traditional, doesn’t mean that is is more effective. There are times when face-to-face visits are preferred due to lack of adequate technology, challenges with privacy at home, or personal limitations of the client in using technology. In all other situations, TeleHealth is a unique service that provides several benefits, including:

  1. Savings in time and money,
  2. Overcome geographic distance for rural populations,
  3. Increased access to care for individuals with mobility issues (lack of transportation),
  4. Flexibility of appointment times (e.g., out of town for work, babysitting concerns, or other restriction on clients availability like a lunch hour, etc.),
  5. Promotion of physical health by avoiding spreading a contagious illness (COVID-19 or general sickness, like a cold).

Telehealth is not new. It has been used for six decades, in the medical field, and is now being adopted by TeleMental Health as a flexible option for individuals. It is not a “lesser” alternative to mental health care. Outcome research has proven it to be very effective in many areas of mental health issues, like anxiety, depression, and trauma. It also offers convenient support for many general concerns, such as parenting education, life transitions, spiritual direction, and more.

A recent article from the Washington Post points out how global pandemics, like the COVID-19 virus, have shifted the landscape of mental health services through the use of technology allowing more people to attend to their mental health needs. Therapists and individuals may be just blocks away from one another geographically, but medical issues isolate and create an insurmountable “distance” between them. The use of Telehealth or TeleMental Health eliminates geographic and social distance.

The reality is that people around the world are suffering and in need of mental health treatment, education, and support. Children and adults who have experienced trauma cannot wait for medical cures or be punished for lack of mental health access. Telehealth/TeleMental Health is a powerful tool to bring immediate hope and healing.

Learn how to use TeleHealth with Ron Huxley by clicking here!

Read about our security measures and informed consent for Telehealth services here!

SOURCES:

https://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/treat/txessentials/telemental_health.asp https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/ser-a0034963.pdf https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2020/03/23/coronavirus-is-mental-health-emergency-too-we-must-remove-barriers-care/?fbclid=IwAR3JK9PIihf_5_nbwbPtgtC1coPpflzmWnAPEDE5FL5kgjsvCnUix_N74aY

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5 Key Benefits of Family Therapy for Improving Communication

Effective communication is essential for building strong, healthy relationships within families. However, many families struggle with communication difficulties that can lead to feelings of tension, conflict, and disconnection. Family therapy can be an effective solution for addressing these issues and improving communication within families.

Here are 5 key benefits of family therapy for improving communication:

  1. Identify Communication Patterns: Family therapists can help families identify communication patterns that may be hindering effective communication. By developing awareness of these patterns, families can begin to make positive changes that lead to stronger relationships and improved communication.
  2. Develop Effective Communication Skills: Family therapists can teach families practical communication skills that can help them express their needs and feelings clearly and directly while also respecting the needs and feelings of others. These skills can be applied in all areas of life, from personal relationships to the workplace.
  3. Address Underlying Issues: Family therapists can help families address underlying issues that may contribute to communication difficulties, such as anxiety, stress, or past trauma. Families can improve communication and build stronger relationships by addressing these issues.
  4. Improve Family Dynamics: Family therapists can work with families to improve family dynamics and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships. By addressing communication patterns and underlying issues, families can develop more positive interactions and a greater sense of connection.
  5. Build Stronger Relationships: Ultimately, family therapy can help families build stronger, healthier relationships by improving communication and addressing underlying issues. This can lead to greater feelings of love, trust, and connection within the family.

Resources:

There are many books available that provide practical advice and strategies for improving communication within families. Some recommended titles include “Nonviolent Communication” by Marshall B. Rosenberg, “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High” by Kerry Patterson, and “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. You can also take a free course from Ron Huxley at FamilyHealer.tv

In conclusion, family therapy can be valuable for improving family communication. Families can overcome communication difficulties and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships by identifying communication patterns, developing practical communication skills, addressing underlying issues, improving family dynamics, and building more robust ones.

Connect with Ron Huxley today and work on your family’s communication patterns. Click here!

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Asserting Your Child Custody Rights: How to Deal with a Challenging Ex-Spouse.

Regarding divorce, child custody is often one of the most contentious issues couples face. Disagreements about custody arrangements can be emotional and heated, especially when one parent is trying to manipulate or change the agreement at the last minute. This common hot-button issue can make an already difficult situation even more challenging for parents and children.

Let’s take the example of Tom and Jane. They have two children, and after their divorce, they agreed to split custody equally. However, Jane frequently tries to change the custody arrangement at the last minute, making it difficult for Tom to plan his schedule and causing tension between them. Tom wants to be assertive and stick to the agreed-upon arrangement, but he doesn’t want to create conflict or upset his children.

If you find yourself in a situation similar to Tom and Jane’s, it’s important to remember that there are ways to handle custody disputes effectively without causing unnecessary conflict. Here are some tips to help you be assertive around your child custody while dealing with a challenging ex-spouse:

  1. Focus on the child’s best interests. Custody arrangements should prioritize the child’s needs and well-being above everything else. When discussing custody issues with your ex-spouse, focus on what is best for your child rather than getting caught up in your desires or feelings.
  2. Create a detailed custody plan. Having a clear, detailed custody plan in place can help both parents to understand their roles and responsibilities and make it easier to stick to the agreed-upon arrangement. This plan should include specific dates and times for custody exchanges, as well as guidelines for how decisions about the child will be made.
  3. Communicate assertively. When discussing custody issues with your ex-spouse, it’s essential to be clear and direct about your concerns and expectations. State why the change is not possible or practical, and set firm boundaries to protect your child’s best interests. It’s important to remember that assertiveness does not mean aggression, and being respectful in your communication can help to keep the conversation constructive.
  4. Seek mediation. In cases where communication breaks down or one parent is being challenged, mediation can be an effective way to resolve disputes and come to a mutually agreeable solution. A mediator can help both parents to communicate effectively, identify their underlying concerns, and work together to find a solution that works for everyone.
  5. Take care of yourself. Going through a divorce and dealing with custody issues can be emotionally challenging for both parents and children. It’s essential to take care of your own emotional well-being, seek support from family and friends, and consider working with a therapist or counselor if necessary.

It’s important to note that there is a difference between aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive communication. Aggressive communication is characterized by focusing on one’s own needs and desires at the expense of others and can involve blaming, attacking, or threatening the other person. Passive-aggressive communication is characterized by an indirect expression of one’s needs and desires, often through sarcasm, procrastination, or withholding information. Assertive communication, on the other hand, is characterized by focusing on clearly and directly expressing one’s needs and desires while respecting the other person’s feelings and perspective. Assertive communication can help to minimize conflict and create healthy communication patterns, even in challenging situations such as divorce and custody arrangements.

Assertiveness checklist for parents dealing with custody issues:

  1. Identify your needs and concerns. Before entering into a conversation about custody arrangements, take some time to identify what you need and your concerns. Write them down if necessary so you can reference them during the conversation.
  2. Use “I” statements. Using “I” statements can help you communicate your thoughts and feelings without blaming or accusing the other person. For example, instead of saying, “You always change the custody schedule at the last minute,” say, “I feel frustrated when the custody schedule is changed at the last minute.”
  3. Stay calm and focused. It’s important to stay calm and focused during the conversation, even if the other person becomes defensive or argumentative. Take deep breaths, stay centered, and remind yourself of your goals for the conversation.
  4. Be clear and specific. Use clear and specific language to communicate your needs and expectations. For example, instead of saying, “I don’t want you to change the custody schedule,” say, “I need us to stick to the agreed-upon custody schedule for the benefit of our child.”
  5. Set boundaries. It’s important to set boundaries around what you are willing and not willing to accept regarding custody arrangements. Communicate your boundaries clearly and calmly, and stick to them.
  6. Listen actively. Active listening is an important part of assertive communication. Make sure to listen to the other person’s perspective without interrupting or getting defensive. Reflect on what they are saying to ensure you understand their position.
  7. Be open to compromise. It’s essential to be open to compromise regarding custody arrangements. Work together to find a solution that meets your needs and is in your child’s best interest.

In conclusion, dealing with custody issues can be challenging and emotional, but it’s essential to prioritize your child’s best interests and be assertive when necessary. By focusing on clear communication, creating a detailed custody plan, seeking mediation, and taking care of yourself, you can navigate custody issues effectively and minimize conflict with your ex-spouse. Remember, your words have power, so use them wisely to improve the situation for everyone involved.

If you’re struggling with custody issues and dealing with a challenging ex-spouse, know that you don’t have to go through it alone. Seeking support from a therapist can help you navigate the emotional challenges of divorce and custody arrangements and develop effective communication and coping skills. Don’t hesitate to schedule a therapy session today to get the help you need to move forward healthily and positively for yourself and your child. Click here to schedule a session with Ron Huxley today!

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Top 5 Books on Parenting

  1. “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish – This classic parenting book provides practical advice and effective communication techniques for parents to better connect with their children. The authors offer strategies for improving communication, managing conflicts, and building solid relationships with kids of all ages.
  2. “Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility” by Foster Cline and Jim Fay – This parenting book focuses on teaching children responsibility and decision-making skills. The authors provide strategies for setting healthy boundaries and encouraging children to take ownership of their choices and behaviors.
  3. “The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson explores the connection between brain development and parenting. The authors provide practical tips and strategies for parents to support their child’s emotional and cognitive development, such as using storytelling and play to connect with kids.
  4. “No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson – Another book by Siegel and Bryson focuses on discipline and ways to guide children’s behavior while building a strong emotional connection. The authors offer practical strategies for managing tantrums and meltdowns, teaching children self-regulation, and fostering empathy and respect.
  5. “The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children” by Dr. Shefali Tsabary – This book challenges traditional parenting approaches and encourages parents to cultivate a deeper awareness of their emotions and behaviors. The author provides practical tips and strategies for becoming more mindful and present with children, encouraging emotional intelligence and authenticity, and building strong parent-child relationships based on mutual respect and trust.

Get more reviews and recommendations at FamilyHealer.tv.

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Building a Strong Marriage: The Importance of Gottman Love Maps

Dr. John Gottman is a renowned relationship expert and his research on building a “Love Map” emphasizes the importance of knowing your partner’s inner world in order to build a strong and lasting relationship. The concept of the Love Map is based on the idea that a strong relationship is built on a foundation of knowledge and understanding of your partner’s thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, fears, and preferences.

According to Gottman, a Love Map is a mental map that we create of our partner’s inner world. It includes information such as their likes and dislikes, important life events, and deepest hopes and fears. When we have a detailed Love Map of our partner, we are better able to understand their thoughts and emotions, empathize with them, and respond to their needs in a more meaningful way. This, in turn, can help build trust and emotional intimacy in the relationship.

Gottman’s Love Map concept is just one of the many principles he has developed through his research on couples and relationships. His other main concepts include the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling) and the Sound Relationship House, which includes components such as trust, intimacy, and shared meaning.

Gottman’s work has been widely studied and cited in the field of couples therapy. One of his most famous books is “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”, which provides practical advice and strategies for couples looking to improve their relationship. Another highly recommended book is “The Relationship Cure”, which focuses on improving communication and emotional connection between partners.

Try these questions with your partner to build your love map:

  1. What are some of your partner’s goals and dreams for the future?
  2. What are some of your partner’s favorite hobbies or interests?
  3. What are some of your partner’s fears or worries?
  4. What are some of your partner’s most cherished childhood memories?
  5. What are some of your partner’s favorite movies or books?
  6. What are some of your partner’s spiritual or religious beliefs?
  7. What are some of your partner’s greatest strengths or talents?
  8. What are some of your partner’s pet peeves or dislikes?
  9. What are some of your partner’s fondest memories of your relationship?
  10. What are some of your partner’s deepest desires or aspirations?

Overall, Gottman’s Love Map concept is an essential component of building a strong and healthy relationship. By taking the time to get to know your partner on a deep level, you can foster a stronger emotional connection, build trust, and create a foundation for a lasting relationship

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How to Set Boundaries and Be Assertive in Parenting: A Guide for Single Moms

As a single mom, it can be challenging to juggle the demands of parenting with your own needs and responsibilities. If your children are manipulative or irresponsible, maintaining control and creating a healthy family dynamic can be even more difficult. However, by learning to set boundaries and be assertive, you can take control of your life and create a more favorable environment for yourself and your children.

Setting Boundaries: A Real-Life Story

Jenny is a single mom with two teenage children. She struggled with her children’s manipulative behavior and lack of responsibility for years. They constantly demanded her time and energy and often guilt-tripped her into doing things for them. As a result, Jenny felt overwhelmed and frustrated and didn’t know how to change the dynamic.

With the help of a family therapist, Jenny learned how to set boundaries and be assertive with her children. She identified specific behaviors that she wanted to change, such as her children’s habit of leaving messes around the house or constantly asking her for money. She then communicated these boundaries to her children in a clear and assertive manner, using “I” statements to express her needs and expectations.

At first, Jenny’s children were resistant to the new boundaries. They complained and argued and even tried to guilt-trip her into changing her mind. However, Jenny stayed firm and followed through with consequences when her boundaries were violated. She also prioritized self-care and sought support from friends and family members, who encouraged her to stay strong and stay committed to her goals.

Over time, Jenny’s children began to respect her boundaries and take her more seriously. They learned to clean up after themselves and take responsibility for their own lives and even started to express gratitude for the changes that had been made. Today, Jenny feels more in control of her life and her family and has a more positive and respectful relationship with her children.

How to Set Boundaries and Be Assertive in Parenting

If you’re a single mom who is struggling with manipulative or irresponsible children, here are some tips on how to set boundaries and be assertive:

  1. Identify specific boundaries: Think about the behaviors you want to change, and identify specific boundaries you want to set with your children. This could include limits on behavior, expectations for responsibility, or guidelines for communication.
  2. Communicate assertively: When setting boundaries, it is important to communicate clearly and assertively. Use “I” statements to express your needs and expectations, and avoid blaming or accusing language.
  3. Follow through: Once boundaries have been set, following through with consequences when they are violated is essential. This helps to reinforce the importance of the boundary and encourages your children to take it seriously.
  4. Stay calm: When setting boundaries, it is important to stay calm and avoid getting defensive or reactive. This helps to keep the conversation focused on the issue at hand and prevents it from escalating into an argument.
  5. Prioritize self-care: Setting boundaries can be challenging and may cause feelings of guilt or anxiety. It is important to prioritize self-care and engage in activities promoting your well-being.
  6. Seek support: Don’t be afraid to seek support from friends, family members, or a therapist. This can provide encouragement and validation and help you stay accountable to your goals.

Using these tips, you can set clear boundaries with your children and create a more positive and respectful family dynamic. It may take time and effort, but with persistence and commitment, you can take control of your life and create a healthier, happier family.

Let Ron Huxley help you and your family be healthy and happy. Contact him today!

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The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook

“The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook” by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer is a comprehensive guide to developing self-compassion, which involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding rather than criticism and judgment. The authors provide a step-by-step program for cultivating self-compassion and building resilience.

One of the key insights from the book is that self-compassion involves three key components: mindfulness, self-kindness, and common humanity. Mindfulness involves being present and aware of one’s thoughts and feelings without judgment or criticism. Self-kindness involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding rather than harsh self-criticism. Common humanity involves recognizing that everyone experiences life’s difficulties and challenges and is not alone in their struggles.

The book includes numerous exercises and practices for cultivating self-compassion, including guided meditations, journaling prompts, and self-reflection exercises. The authors also guide overcoming common barriers to self-compassion, such as perfectionism, shame, and self-doubt.

Some of the exercises from the book include:

  1. Loving-Kindness Meditation: This meditation involves directing loving-kindness towards oneself and others. The authors guide how to practice this meditation and suggest incorporating it into a daily routine.
  2. Self-Compassion Break: This exercise involves taking a few moments to offer oneself kindness and understanding during a difficult moment. The authors provide a step-by-step guide for practicing this exercise and suggest incorporating it into daily life.
  3. Soothing Touch Exercise: This exercise involves using touch to offer oneself comfort and compassion. The authors provide guidance on practicing this exercise and suggest using it during stress or anxiety.
  4. Self-Compassion Journaling: This involves writing down thoughts and feelings related to self-compassion, such as moments when one has been kind to themselves or times when one has been self-critical. The authors provide prompts for journaling and suggest using this exercise to build self-awareness and self-compassion.
  5. Compassionate Body Scan: This meditation focuses on different body parts and offers oneself compassion and understanding. The authors guide how to practice this meditation and suggest using it to connect with the body and cultivate self-compassion.
  6. Affectionate Breathing: This meditation focuses on the breath and imagining oneself inhaling and exhaling love and compassion. The authors guide how to practice this meditation and suggest incorporating it into a daily mindfulness practice.
  7. Self-Compassion Letter: This exercise involves writing a letter to oneself offering kindness, understanding, and support. The authors guide how to write this letter and suggest using it to cultivate self-compassion and self-awareness.

Here are the steps for the Soothing Touch exercise from “The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook”:

  1. Find a comfortable and quiet place where you won’t be disturbed for a few minutes.
  2. Take a few deep breaths and become present at the moment.
  3. Begin by placing your hand on your heart or another soothing part of your body. You might choose to place your hand on your cheek, your forehead, or another part of your body that feels comforting.
  4. Allow yourself to feel the warmth and comfort of your touch. If it feels helpful, you can imagine that you are offering yourself love and kindness through your touch.
  5. Spend a few moments simply noticing the sensation of your touch and allowing yourself to feel comforted and soothed.
  6. If your mind begins to wander, gently bring your attention back to the sensation of your touch.
  7. When you feel ready, slowly release your touch and take a few deep breaths.
  8. Take a moment to reflect on how the Soothing Touch exercise made you feel. Notice any changes in your body or your mood.

The Soothing Touch exercise is a simple and effective way to offer oneself comfort and compassion during moments of stress or anxiety. By practicing this exercise regularly, individuals can cultivate a more positive and compassionate relationship with themselves.

Here are the steps for the Self-Compassion Letter exercise from “The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook”:

  1. Find a quiet and comfortable place where you won’t be disturbed for a little while.
  2. Take a few deep breaths and allow yourself to become present.
  3. Imagine that you are writing a letter to a close friend who is going through a difficult time. Offer this friend kind and compassionate words of support and encouragement.
  4. When you feel ready, begin writing a letter to yourself, using the same kind and compassionate language you would use with a close friend.
  5. In your letter, offer yourself kindness and understanding for any struggles or difficulties that you have been experiencing. Acknowledge that these experiences are a natural part of the human experience and that you are not alone in your struggles.
  6. Consider including phrases that resonate with you, such as “I am here for you” or “I am proud of you for facing this challenge.”
  7. Take your time writing your letter, allowing yourself to feel the emotions as you write.
  8. When you are finished, read the letter back to yourself, allowing yourself to fully absorb the kind and compassionate words that you have written.

The Self-Compassion Letter exercise is a powerful way to cultivate self-compassion and self-awareness. By offering themselves kindness and understanding, individuals can shift their inner dialogue towards a more positive and supportive tone. The exercise can be repeated regularly, and letters can be saved and revisited during moments of difficulty or stress.

As a trauma-informed therapist, I believe that cultivating self-compassion is an essential component of trauma recovery. Trauma can often leave individuals feeling disconnected from themselves and others, leading to self-criticism and self-blame. By cultivating self-compassion, individuals can begin to heal from the effects of trauma and develop a more positive and compassionate relationship with themselves.

In addition, organizations can benefit from becoming more trauma-sensitive by recognizing the impact of trauma on individuals and creating a safe and supportive environment. The practices and exercises outlined in “The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook” can help individuals and organizations become more trauma-sensitive by promoting self-awareness, compassion, and empathy.

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How to live in the “Peaks & Valleys” of life

A review (and application) of Spencer Johnsons Book “Peaks and Valleys”:

Have you ever felt like life is a rollercoaster of highs and lows? If so, you’re not alone. Life is full of peaks and valleys, and navigating the ups and downs can be challenging. But fear not because Spencer Johnson’s book, “Peaks and Valleys,” provides a simple but powerful framework for managing the highs and lows of life.

Johnson tells the story of a young man who meets an older, wiser man in the mountains, who teaches him how to overcome obstacles and achieve success. The older man teaches the young man that life is a series of peaks and valleys and that it is during the valleys that one can learn valuable lessons and gain perspective.

So, how can we learn valuable lessons and gain perspectives in the valleys of life? Johnson suggests several ways:

First, he encourages us to embrace the valley. Rather than avoiding or denying life’s difficulties, Johnson suggests embracing them and seeking opportunities to learn and grow.

Embracing the valleys of life can be challenging, but there are practical ways that someone can implement this idea from “Peaks and Valleys” by Spencer Johnson. Here are a few suggestions:

  1. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness can help individuals become more aware of their thoughts and emotions and help them approach difficult situations with a more open and accepting attitude. Mindfulness practices such as meditation or journaling can help individuals embrace the valleys of life by encouraging them to sit with and observe their experiences without judgment.
  2. Seek support: Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can provide individuals with a safe space to process difficult emotions and experiences. Seeking support can also help individuals feel less alone and give them insights and advice on navigating the valley.
  3. Reframe negative thoughts: Falling into negative thought patterns or beliefs can be easy when faced with a difficult situation. Reframing negative thoughts into more positive or neutral ones can help individuals approach the valley with a more open and accepting attitude. For example, rather than thinking, “this situation is terrible,” try reframing it to “this situation is challenging, but I have the strength to overcome it.”
  4. Look for growth opportunities: As Johnson suggests, the valleys of life can provide opportunities for learning and growth. When facing a difficult situation, identify what lessons can be learned or how they can contribute to personal growth. This shift in perspective can help individuals approach the valley with a more positive and proactive attitude.

Second, he suggests reflecting on past successes and failures. Reflecting on past successes and failures can help us gain perspective and learn from our mistakes.

Reflecting on past successes and failures can be valuable for personal growth and development. Here are some practical ways to implement this idea from “Peaks and Valleys” by Spencer Johnson:

  1. Keep a journal: Writing down past successes and failures can provide a record of personal growth and development over time. Additionally, reflecting on past experiences in writing can help individuals gain perspective and identify patterns or themes in their successes and failures.
  2. Seek feedback: Talking to trusted friends, family members, or mentors can provide valuable insights into past successes and failures. Others may be able to offer an outside perspective and identify strengths and weaknesses that the individual may not have noticed themselves.
  3. Identify patterns: Reflecting on past successes and failures can help individuals identify patterns or themes in their behavior or decision-making. By recognizing these patterns, individuals can make more informed decisions and avoid repeating past mistakes.
  4. Celebrate successes: Celebrating past successes, no matter how small, can provide motivation and confidence for future endeavors. Acknowledging personal achievements can help individuals feel more resilient in future challenges.
  5. Learn from failures: Johnson suggests that failures can provide valuable lessons for personal growth. Rather than dwelling on past mistakes, individuals can reflect on what they learned from the experience and how they can use that knowledge to make better decisions in the future.

Third, he recommends asking for feedback. Asking for feedback from others can provide valuable insights and help us identify areas for improvement.

Asking for feedback can be a powerful tool for personal growth and development. Here are some practical ways to implement this idea from “Peaks and Valleys” by Spencer Johnson:

  1. Ask specific questions: When seeking feedback from others, asking specific questions about a particular area of interest can be helpful. For example, individuals can ask for general feedback on a specific project, presentation, or behavior rather than asking for general feedback.
  2. Choose trusted sources: It’s important to choose trusted sources when seeking feedback. Individuals can ask for feedback from friends, family members, colleagues, mentors, or others they respect and trust.
  3. Be open to criticism: Receiving feedback can be difficult, especially if it’s critical. However, being open to criticism and approaching feedback with a growth mindset can provide valuable insights and help individuals identify areas for improvement.
  4. Follow up: After receiving feedback, following up with the individual to clarify any points or ask for additional advice can be helpful. Additionally, individuals can share how they plan to implement the feedback and ask for support or accountability.
  5. Practice active listening: When receiving feedback, it’s important to practice active listening. This means paying attention to what the individual is saying, asking clarifying questions, and expressing gratitude for the feedback.

Fourth, he advises practicing gratitude. Even amid difficulty, focusing on the positive aspects of our lives can help us maintain a positive attitude and gain perspective.

Practicing gratitude can be a powerful tool for cultivating a positive mindset and gaining perspective, even during difficult times. Here are some practical ways, with empathy in mind, to implement this idea from “Peaks and Valleys” by Spencer Johnson:

  1. Start a gratitude journal: Writing down three things you’re grateful for each day can help you focus on the positive aspects of your life. This could be as simple as a warm cup of coffee in the morning, a supportive friend or family member, or the beauty of nature.
  2. Say thank you: Expressing gratitude to others can help strengthen relationships and improve your own well-being. Whether it’s a heartfelt thank-you note, a verbal expression of thanks, or a small act of kindness, saying thank you can help you feel more connected and appreciative.
  3. Notice the good: During difficult times, it can be easy to focus on the negative aspects of a situation. However, intentionally noticing the good, no matter how small, can help shift your perspective and boost your mood. For example, noticing a beautiful sunset, a kind gesture from a stranger, or a moment of laughter with a loved one can help you feel more positive.
  4. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep breathing, can help you stay present and cultivate a sense of gratitude. Focusing on your breath or a specific sensation in your body can quiet your mind and help you appreciate the present moment.
  5. Give back: Giving back to others can be a powerful way to cultivate gratitude and meaning in your life. Volunteering, donating to a charity, or simply offering a kind word or gesture to someone in need can help you feel more connected to others and appreciate your blessings.

Fifth, he suggests taking action. Rather than becoming paralyzed by fear or uncertainty, Johnson suggests taking action toward our goals, even if it is a small step.

Here are the practical action steps for taking action towards your goals as suggested by Spencer Johnson in his book “Peaks and Valleys”:

  1. Identify your goals: First, identify what you want to achieve or accomplish. Be specific about your goals and write them down.
  2. Break down your goals: Break your goals down into smaller, manageable steps. This will make them less overwhelming and easier to accomplish.
  3. Take small actions: Take action towards your goals, even if it’s just a small step. It could be as simple as making a phone call or email.
  4. Focus on progress, not perfection: Don’t worry about being perfect. Instead, focus on making progress toward your goals. Celebrate small wins along the way.
  5. Stay motivated: Keep yourself motivated by focusing on the positive outcomes of achieving your goals. Remind yourself why you started and how good it will feel when you succeed.
  6. Adjust your actions: If your actions aren’t getting you closer to your goals, adjust your approach. Be open to trying new things and making changes as needed.
  7. Stay consistent: Consistency is key to achieving your goals. Keep taking action towards your goals, even when it gets tough.

Lastly, he advises us to learn from others. Studying the lives of successful people and learning from their experiences can help us gain perspective and insights into navigating the valleys of life.

Here are the practical implementation steps for learning from others, as suggested by Spencer Johnson in his book “Peaks and Valleys”:

  1. Identify successful people: In your field or area of interest, identify successful people. You can look for them in books, articles, online resources, or your personal network.
  2. Study their experiences: Read about their experiences, challenges, and successes. Look for common themes and patterns that contributed to their success.
  3. Learn from their mistakes: Identify the mistakes they made and learn from them. This can help you avoid making the same mistakes and save you time and effort in the long run.
  4. Adapt their strategies: Identify their strategies and approaches to overcome challenges and achieve success. Adapt these strategies to fit your own situation and circumstances.
  5. Apply their lessons: Apply the lessons you learn from successful people to your own life. Implement their strategies and approaches in your own work and personal life.
  6. Share with others: Share what you learn with others. Discuss your findings with colleagues, friends, or family members. This can help you gain new perspectives and insights and inspire others to learn from successful people.

Remember, learning from successful people is not about copying them. It’s about gaining insights and perspectives to help you navigate life’s valleys more effectively and achieve your own goals.

“The best way to get out of a valley is to climb toward a peak.”

Spencer Johnson

Overall, “Peaks and Valleys” provides a simple but powerful framework for managing the highs and lows of life and encourages readers to use the lessons learned during difficult times to achieve greater success and happiness. Rather than getting stuck in the depths of a valley, we can focus on climbing towards a peak and use the lessons learned during the valley to propel us forward. By embracing the valleys of life, reflecting on past experiences, seeking feedback, practicing gratitude, taking action, and learning from others, we can navigate life’s peaks and valleys with grace and resilience.

I hope you found this summary helpful and that it encourages you to read “Peaks and Valleys” for yourself. Remember, life is a journey, and every valley has a peak waiting on the other side.

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Promoting Healing and Resilience: Trauma-Informed Parenting Strategies for Self-Regulation in Children

Trauma-informed parenting is an approach to parenting that considers the impact of trauma on a child’s emotional and psychological well-being. It recognizes that children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or neglect may struggle to regulate their emotions, form positive relationships, and cope with stress.

Trauma-informed parenting involves creating a safe, stable, and supportive environment for children who have experienced trauma. It emphasizes the importance of safety and predictability while promoting healing and resilience.

Trauma-informed parenting also emphasizes the importance of understanding a child’s trauma history and its impact on their behavior and emotions. This involves being aware of triggers that may re-traumatize a child and learning to respond in a supportive and validating way.

Trauma-informed parenting uses positive discipline strategies that teach appropriate behavior and promote self-regulation rather than punishment or harsh discipline. It also emphasizes the importance of helping children build positive relationships and promoting their sense of self-worth.

Overall, trauma-informed parenting is an approach that emphasizes understanding and responding to a child’s needs in a way that promotes healing, resilience, and positive development.

Promoting self-regulation in a traumatized child can be a challenging but essential aspect of trauma-informed parenting. Self-regulation involves a child’s ability to manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in response to internal and external stressors.

Here are some strategies parents can use to promote self-regulation in their traumatized child:

  1. Model self-regulation: Children learn through observation, so parents must model healthy self-regulation strategies, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or other coping techniques.
  2. Provide a predictable routine: A consistent and predictable pattern can provide a sense of safety and security for a traumatized child, which can help promote self-regulation.
  3. Create a calming environment: Creating a calm and soothing environment can help a child feel more relaxed and in control, which can help promote self-regulation. This may involve using soft lighting, calming music, or other sensory tools.
  4. Teach coping skills: Teach your child healthy coping skills, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or other relaxation techniques, to help them manage their emotions and calm their body.
  5. Use positive reinforcement: Praise your child when they demonstrate self-regulation skills and reinforce positive behavior with rewards or incentives.
  6. Encourage physical activity: Physical activity can help a child release pent-up energy and emotions, which can help promote self-regulation. Encourage your child to participate in sports, dance, or yoga activities.

Parents can use these strategies to help their traumatized child develop healthy self-regulation skills, promoting healing, resilience, and positive development.

Self-Regulation

Promoting self-regulation in a traumatized child can be a challenging but essential aspect of trauma-informed parenting. Self-regulation involves a child’s ability to manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in response to internal and external stressors.

Here are some strategies parents can use to promote self-regulation in their traumatized child:

  1. Model self-regulation: Children learn through observation, so parents must model healthy self-regulation strategies, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or other coping techniques.
  2. Provide a predictable routine: A consistent and predictable pattern can provide a sense of safety and security for a traumatized child, which can help promote self-regulation.
  3. Create a calming environment: Creating a calm and soothing environment can help a child feel more relaxed and in control, which can help promote self-regulation. This may involve using soft lighting, calming music, or other sensory tools.
  4. Teach coping skills: Teach your child healthy coping skills, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or other relaxation techniques, to help them manage their emotions and calm their body.
  5. Use positive reinforcement: Praise your child when they demonstrate self-regulation skills and reinforce positive behavior with rewards or incentives.
  6. Encourage physical activity: Physical activity can help a child release pent-up energy and emotions, which can help promote self-regulation. Encourage your child to participate in sports, dance, or yoga activities.

Parents can use these strategies to help their traumatized child develop healthy self-regulation skills, promoting healing, resilience, and positive development.

Let Ron Huxley help you and your family find a pathway to healing. Schedule a session today by clicking here!

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10 Adlerian Parenting Tips for Children Who Have Experienced Trauma or Abuse

Adlerian parenting is based on the philosophy of Alfred Adler, an Austrian psychiatrist and founder of Adlerian psychology. Adler believed that human behavior is motivated by a desire for belonging, significance, and social connection. Adlerian parenting promotes a child’s competence and self-esteem while encouraging social responsibility and respect for others.


Adlerian parenting emphasizes creating a warm, nurturing, and cheerful home environment where children feel valued loved and supported. Adlerian parents strive to provide opportunities for their children to develop independence, social interest, and positive self-esteem while fostering a sense of community and social responsibility.


Adlerian parenting is based on encouragement, respect, and mutual trust between parents and children. Adlerian parents seek to understand their child’s perspective and feelings while setting clear boundaries and expectations for behavior. Adlerian parenting also emphasizes the importance of positive discipline strategies that focus on teaching appropriate behavior and promoting self-regulation rather than using punishment or harsh discipline.
Overall, the philosophy of Adlerian parenting is focused on promoting a child’s sense of belonging, significance, and social interest while encouraging positive behavior, social responsibility, and respect for others.

  1. Provide a safe and stable environment: Children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress need a sense of safety and stability. Create routines, set boundaries, and provide a secure home environment.
  2. Encourage healing through positive reinforcement: Praise your child’s effort and progress towards healing rather than just their achievements. This fosters a sense of resilience and self-worth.
  3. Focus on building trust: Children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress often struggle to trust others. Take the time to listen to your child and validate their feelings, which can help rebuild trust.
  4. Use positive discipline strategies: Instead of punishment or harsh discipline, use positive methods that teach appropriate behavior and promote self-regulation.
  5. Foster a sense of community: Encourage your child to be involved in positive community activities and develop positive relationships with peers. This helps them feel supported and less isolated.
  6. Provide opportunities for choice and control: Children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress may feel powerless. Providing options and opportunities for power can help build their self-esteem and sense of agency.
  7. Use trauma-informed parenting techniques: Learn about techniques and strategies, such as sensory regulation, grounding exercises, and mindfulness, that can help children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress.
  8. Model healthy coping strategies: Children learn by example, so model healthy coping strategies and positive self-care behaviors, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and exercise.
  9. Provide opportunities for play and creative expression: Play and creative expression can help children process and heal from trauma, abuse, or toxic stress. Provide opportunities for imaginative play, art, and other forms of creative expression.
  10. Seek professional support: Children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress may benefit from professional support. Consider seeking therapy, counseling, or other support services to help your child heal and thrive.

Contact Ron Huxley, LMFT, to schedule a session if you need support on parenting tips and tools.

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Healing from Trauma: Understanding the Stages and Supporting Your Child Through the Journey

Healing from trauma is a complex and challenging, but recovering and moving forward with life is possible. As a trauma therapist, I have worked with many people who have experienced trauma and have seen firsthand how healing can transform lives. In this article, I will discuss the stages of recovery from trauma and what parents can do to support their children.

Stage 1: Safety and Stabilization
The first stage of healing from trauma is focused on safety and stabilization. This stage is about establishing a sense of safety and security, both physically and emotionally. Many people who have experienced trauma may feel like the world is dangerous and unpredictable, so finding ways to feel safe and grounded in the present moment is essential. This may involve developing a safety plan, finding a safe and supportive community, and practicing self-care.

As a parent, you can support your child during this stage by creating a safe and predictable environment. This may involve establishing routines, setting boundaries, and providing emotional support. Listening to your child’s needs and concerns and validating their feelings is also important.

Stage 2: Processing and Understanding
The second healing stage focuses on processing and understanding the traumatic experience. This stage is about exploring thoughts and feelings related to the trauma, making sense of the incident, and working through any confusion or self-blame. It’s important to note that this stage can be complicated and involve intense emotions, so having a supportive therapist or other mental health professionals guide you through the process is essential.

As a parent, you can support your child during this stage by providing a safe and supportive environment for them to express their feelings. It’s important to listen without judgment and validate their experiences. You can also help your child to understand that their reactions to the trauma are normal and that they are not alone.

Stage 3: Integration and Meaning-Making
The third healing stage focuses on integrating the experience into one’s sense of self and life story. This stage involves finding ways to incorporate the trauma into one’s identity and a sense of purpose and developing a greater understanding of meaning and purpose due to the experience. This stage is about finding a way to move forward with life, even in the face of adversity.

As a parent, you can support your child during this stage by helping them find meaning and purpose in their life. This may involve helping them to explore their interests and passions and keeping them pursuing their goals. It’s also important to remind your child that they are strong and resilient and can overcome the challenges they face.

Stage 4: Re-connection and Empowerment
The final stage of healing is about reconnecting with oneself, others, and the world in a safe and empowering way. This stage is about finding ways to engage in meaningful activities and pursuits and to feel a sense of agency and control in one’s life. This stage concerns reclaiming power and moving forward with a renewed sense of purpose.

As a parent, you can support your child during this stage by encouraging them to engage in activities that bring them joy and fulfillment. This may involve helping them to connect with others who share their interests and supporting them in pursuing their passions. It’s also important to remind your child that they can create the life they want and are not defined by past experiences.

In conclusion, healing from trauma is a complex and individualized process. Still, it is possible to recover and move forward with life. As a parent, you can support your child through the healing process by creating a safe and supportive environment, listening without judgment, and encouraging them to find meaning and purpose in their life.

If you or your child have experienced trauma and are struggling to heal, know that you are not alone. Seeking support from a therapist can be an important step in the healing process. Ron Huxley, LMFT, can help you and your child find freedom from the burden of trauma. Schedule a session today!