Adoption and a “child of my own”

Adoption is the action or fact of legally taking another’s child and bringing it up as one’s own or the reality of being adopted.

It is a social, emotional, and legal process in which children whose birth parents do not raise them to become complete and permanent legal members of another family while maintaining genetic and psychological connections to their birth family.

In this new family, the adopted child becomes the lawful child of the adoptive parents with all the rights, privileges, and responsibilities attached to the biological child. It is incorrect to assume that adopting is the same as having “a child of your own,” although they are both ways to create your family. Many families who make this error are frustrated and resentful at the child or the adoption constellation system when they realize the differences. This major misunderstanding could lead to a disruption of the adoption process or a disillusionment of the legal adoption.

Individuals who dream of having a “child of my own” and choose to go the way of adoption can have false ideals about a child that “acts and looks like me.” It removes the child’s ability to be uniquely loved for who they are and disqualifies their background, history, culture, and genetics.

A better view would be to have a “child who is mine” and “I am theirs.” This bond is not about ownership but connection. It is not about genetics but generation. It is not about sameness but oneness.

Adoption is not just a legal term; it also has profound psychological meanings. It is not just about who the child belongs to but also who belongs to the child. The constellation of members surrounding the adoptive child includes the adoptive family, extended family, biological siblings, parents, extended birth family, adoption professionals, legal professionals, and more.

Get more support and help with adoption and creating a healthy, happy family by contacting Ron Huxley, LMFT, by clicking here!