I have a confession. I don’t like behavior charts. That might sound odd, given that I have an entire web course on using behavior charts and I give them to my families. Behavior charts have been used as a magical want and not the true parenting tool it is…Professionals will give parents a behavior chart and tell them to go home and fix all of their family problems. What is the end result of that? More frustration and more power struggles in the home. That is what we are trying to stop!
Another problem, with behavior charts, is inherent in the tool itself. Charts are an external reinforcement system for good behavior and so they can be easily manipulated. Children will learn to do WHAT they have to do WHEN they have to do it, just to get the reward or get the parent off of their back. They end up teaching the child how to get a reward or avoid punishment instead of how to be a responsible person.
Ironically, research continues to talk about how powerful tools these can be in a parents toolbox. What’s missing here? Fortunately, I have found the solution. I want to give you the BETTER BEHAVIOR CHART. Why is it better? Because it uses core values, a big, juicy problem and the brains reward system.
I want to give you the BETTER BEHAVIOR CHART. Why is it better? Because it uses core values, a big, juicy problem and the brains reward system. Let me share a bit about this and then, if you want more, you can take my entire course.
The first reason the better behavior chart is better is that it builds on your families core values.
Examples might include “respect yourself and others”, “use your words, not your hands”, “we work as a team”, “honesty is the best policy”, “be kind” or “act politely.”
Here are a few tips to make core values easier:
Simplicity is best. Use short phrases, not long lectures.
Start with 5-10 core values.
Concentrate on values that will address struggles in your family.
Add additional core values as they come up in your family.
Take into consideration the personalities, spiritual beliefs, and parenting styles.
The goal is to develop a strong, internal core that will back up our external behavior charts. Behavior charts can be powerful when they reinforce attitudes and beliefs and not just behaviors.
THE BIG, JUICY PROBLEM:
The second reason the BETTER BEHAVIOR CHARTS are better is that they concentrate on the Big, Juicy Problems in your home. These are the big issues that really, really, annoy you. I know you know what they are! You thought of it the minute you read that…
What are some Big, Juicy Problems?
Parents try to tackle too many problems at one time. They get easily overwhelmed and the power of the chart decreases. The BJP focuses on rewarding “other” or “opposite” behaviors than the BJP. This is called “differential reinforcement of other, opposite or incompatible behavior.” Yes, it’s really a thing!
Parents mistakenly try to reinforce children to stop hitting, arguing, dawdling, forgetting their homework, etc. It is very difficult to NOT do something. Too many negatives in that strategy. Instead, reinforce the opposite, more positive behaviors you want to see in your home.
Let’s say that hitting is the BJP that really bugs you. Reward your child anytime he does something other than hit, that’s a positive behavior. It is hard to hit someone and be coloring in a coloring book or riding their bike or taking a bath or sleeping. It’s may sound ridiculous but the reason behavior charts are powerful is because of the power of attention.
The BJP is so annoying that it will cause you to flip your lid and yell, huff, roll your eyes, speak with irritation. Every time you do, you reinforce the very behavior you want to stop because you are giving it negative attention.
A child will quickly learn that they can get negative attention with 100 percent certainty. Positive attention is not so certain. You may walk right past a child who is coloring nicely and not hitting anyone. You might keep working on dinner instead of thanking a child for setting the table. Your juggling so many tasks and there are so many things to do in one day that it is a relief when children are playing together nicely but you will probably not give a “kudo” for doing so. You missed an opportunity to make sure they keep playing nicely by rewarding it verbally. In the BETTER BEHAVIOR CHART program, you will catch these positive moments more often.
Of course, you can’t catch them all. Like we said, your busy! Fortunately, you don’t have to because with the BETTER BEHAVIOR CHART you control the what and when of rewards.
Another reason the BETTER BEHAVIOR CHART is better is due to how you give the rewards. Most behavior charts fail because they are on a “fixed reinforcement schedule.” This means you give the reward for each correct behavior you want to see happen. After a while, children will come to expect a reward for any positive behavior and may actually negotiate with you when you ask them to do something. Essentially, they say: “If you pay me, I will.” We do not want to create more entitlement in children.
Instead of a “fixed reinforcement schedule,” you will use a “variable reinforcement schedule.” This means you NEVER give a child a reinforcement when they ask or demand it. You give one in a more random way for incompatible or other behaviors, both big and small so that the child never knows when the reward is coming but they know they could get it at any time. This anticipation is a powerful brain activating mechanism.
Learn more about “variable reinforcement schedules”, the use of the brains reward system, how to use the BETTER BEHAVIOR CHART with older children and more when you sign up for our online training at http://FamilyHealerSchool.com
Sign up today and get 50% off when you use the code: fall2017. This is only good till the end of October…So get it now!