White Sugar, Brown Sugar Blog shares some balance views of open adoption options…
We have a range of open adoption experiences and of birth parents. In one case, both birth parents are involved in an ongoing relationship. In one case, it’s a biological brother and his adoptive family, with occasional contact with birth mom. In one case, we have contact with birth mom and some extended birth family.
My motto in adoption is this: don’t make choices out of fear; make them out of education.
I have gobs of resources listed on this blog and in my book. I hope you’ll check them out.
When we are asked why we chose open adoption, I often share these things:
1: Who are we to keep our children from their biological family members when these individuals pose no harm to our children?
2: Why shouldn’t our children have access to as much information as they will want/need in the future, information we, as their adoptive parents, cannot provide them?
3: Why should we not have access to family health history which can help us better meet our children’s needs?
4: Why should our kids’ birth families not have access to updated information and photos of the children they gave life to and love?
Also, something to consider, is that if you, as an adoptive parent, are insecure in your position in your child’s life, that is unhealthy for your child and unhealthy for your emotional health. Your child will eventually understand that you were the gatekeeper in his/her life, either fostering or diminishing the access the child could have to his/her biological family.
So ask yourself:
1: Will the birth parents cause harm to the child?
2: Are the birth parents supportive of you as the adoptive parent (meaning, they respect your role as the child’s primary parents)?
3: What is going on with me, emotionally, that I’m holding back from open adoption (and anything, really, adoption related)? Where can I seek help for these issues?
4: Does the child want a relationship with his/her biological parent? Or, if my child is very young, would the birth parent knowing information/seeing the child bring the birth parent joy, peace, and assurance?
Open adoption is not an easy option. In fact, it can be quite uncomfortable for everyone involved at times, or even for many seasons. But …